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Editors hope that writers sending in queries are at least aware
of the basic protocol required. Sometimes, our hopes are dashed.
The following ten guidelines are the ones most likely to
increase your chances of never seeing your book in print.
1. Don't make it easy for editors to contact you. Only include
your information on the return envelope - if you bother to
include it all, then cross your fingers that the envelope
doesn't get separated from the work. This of course implies that
you must not put your name or contact information on any of your
material. If they really want to publish your work, they will
hire a private investigator and track you down.
2. Don't include a return envelope (commonly known as the SASE -
Self-Addressed Stamped Envelope) If you do include it, either
don't include enough postage or don't bother with postage at
all, or leave your name off the envelope - simply assume they'll
get it off the envelope you used to send your material, if you
included it, that is; or hope that their P.I. is very good at
what he or she does.
3. Assume the editor had absolutely nothing to do until your
manuscript arrived on his or her desk, and should reply to your
query within a week or two, maybe even days. Better yet, phone
or email one to two weeks after sending in your manuscript and
ask if they'll be publishing your book.
4. Send your manuscript to any publishing house you like. Mail
the query for your romance story to a sci-fi/fantasy publisher,
or your fictional work to an academic publishing company. Don't
waste your time researching the companies most likely to have an
interest in your work.
5. Tell Dear Editor (since you don't know his or her name) that
they would be crazy to pass up this golden opportunity. Name
several best selling authors and tell the editor how you are
superior to all of them.
6. State clearly and often that you've never written before and
you whipped this one up in three days, yes, believe it - three
days! Also mention (jokingly) that your dog loved it, and
(seriously) that pretty much everyone in your family loved it -
though your significant other broke up with you since it does
include a pretty detailed account of his or her greatest flaws,
and your S.O. just can't face the truth.
7. Don't let on what your sample enclosures are: be very careful
not mention the title of the work, the genre, the intended
audience, the word count or any other pertinent information. See
if they can guess! Or make it even easier for them to guess
correctly by sending the entire manuscript instead of just a
little bitty sample.
8. Upon receiving a rejection from the editor, write a letter or
an email and tell the editor how wrong he or she is and that you
can do better than their lousy publishing house anyway. Be sure
to mention that they have no clue what good writing is, call the
editor names for added punch, and blatantly avoid any reference
to your thinking them worth sending a query to in the first
place.
9. Write a letter or email letting the editor know that you
don't care if they said no, because another publisher said yes -
and ask if they'll give you some editing advice anyway, for
future reference.
10. If the editor is foolish enough to reply to the above
letter, congratulating you on your recent success, and that no,
editing advice won't be forthcoming since it is now redundant,
promptly write a letter telling the editor that their cruelty is
unacceptable and that yes, it is in fact his or her obligation
to help amateur writers become better writers. Insist that the
editor's allegiance to getting the current project to the
printer's on schedule is not nearly as important as their real
role as free-of-charge writing instructors.
If you'd rather not annoy your editor, the opposite behavior
will definitely be welcome, and condenses into an even shorter
list of "do's":
1. Include all information. Direct your query to a
particular person at the publishing house - preferably the
editor, though the mail clerk would be flattered to know you
cared enough to get his opinion first. In your query, include
your contact information as well as all pertinent information:
genre, title, word count, proposed audience, and what
attachments you are including as per their guidelines - and send
those attachments.
2.Include a SASE. If you want the entire ms returned, be
sure you've included sufficient postage. Better yet, send
disposable copies and a letter-sized envelope for the reply, or
provide an email address.
3. Remain Professional. By all means, show enthusiasm,
but don't let it give you a puppy-like persona. This comes with
subcategories:
3.a. Don't pester. Assume editors are busy working on
current books, and will reply within the time-frame stated in
the submission guidelines. They will likewise work as diligently
on your book if accepted. (Include the date on your cover letter
so your ms doesn't become the foundation of the slush pile.)
3.b. Promote your work. If you have previous writing
credits, include them. If not, then promote the work you're
sending. Leave the part about your pets and friends for the
conversation when your editor calls or writes to accept your ms,
then feel free to gush all you like - you're in.
3.c. Accept rejection gracefully. There is no need for
further correspondence, even if you do feel vindicated in
getting the last word. For one thing, the editor will be even
more glad to have turned down your ms - divas can make what is
normally a fun project into torture for everyone involved. For
another, editors move around. That one you called a mindless,
no-talent moron just might be the acquisitions editor at the
next publishing house you approach.
The behavior of authors depicted in the "Don'ts" list is
fictitious and any resemblance to anyone living or dead, is
purely coincidental.
About the author:
Kim-Marie Ward is a freelance editor of both non-fiction books
and fiction novels, a ghostwriter, and has written several
articles for various ezines and newsletters (online and in
print). She's an active member on http://www.Writing.Com, an
online community for Writers. Stop by and visit
her portfolio at: Kim-Marie on
Writing.Com.
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