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Are the changes in your life overwhelming you? Do you find that
the older you get, the more changes you have to make? Maybe your
best friend moved away or you have lost a job that you thought
you would be doing forever. Maybe you moved to a new area or
have recently retired. How about if you experienced more than
one of these changes in the last year? Sometimes these changes
that I will call "Whammies" come in groups of two or three or
they come one, right after another. At any rate, these whammies
really do just that. They wham you in the face. You may even
think you are accepting change with grace and moving on, but it
suddenly hits you. It creeps up like a thief in the night and
you don't know what is wrong with you. It is nothing to be
embarrassed about. It happens to most of us at some time or
another. Did you know that a change is also a "grief
experience?" It is a general known fact that death is a huge
loss and brings on grief but what about all the other losses?
Have you ever thought of them as grief experiences? Among the
many definitions that Webster New World Thesaurus describes as
grief are: "painful regret, distress over loss, mourning and
depression." (I counted 30 synonyms.) Life is full of the small
grief experiences. For example, when my children come to visit
for the week-end, it so something I look forward to and I
prepare for it. It is fun and fulfilling to see them but after
they get in their cars and go to their respective homes, there
is an aftermath of an "emptiness." It doesn't last long....soon,
I am busily thinking of other things. However, for those few
minutes it is for me a loss or a "little grief experience." How
many times have you had your favorite store or market go out of
business or a building that you associated with childhood being
torn down? You may say to yourself, "everything is changing; it
isn't like it used to be." Moving to a different location may be
a big grief experience for some and others may not feel the loss
as much. Other changes that come to mind are illness, divorce
and even aging. How about losing youth or gaining weight? The
big whammies are the most devastating. Maybe you are reluctant
to talk to others about it for fear they may think you are being
silly or dramatic. You need not be. I am certainly not a
psychiatrist but my personal experiences and talking with others
at least leads me to believe that this is a universal
experience. One of the most heart breaking losses that I believe
we are afraid to share with others is the loss of a pet. That is
so real and sad. Pets mean so much to many people and it is like
losing a part of your family. This is a real grief experience
and unfortunately, some do not see it as such. Another hard one
is when your children leave home or better known as the "empty
nest syndrome." Anyone who has ever gone through that will
testify that indeed it is a loss and quite an adjustment. People
throughout time have pondered this very subject of change:
It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar And seemingly
secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in
what is no longer meaningful. There is no more security in the
adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in
change there is power.... .....ALAN COHEN
I have accepted fear as a part of life specifically the fear of
change. I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that
says....Turn back.... .....Erica Jong
Now that we have admitted that change can cause feelings of
grief and sadness, what can we do about it? These are my
suggestions:
1. If you are feeling sad or depressed, examine your life and
see if you have experienced a major change or more than one
change. 2. If the answer to the above question is yes, half the
battle is done. By recognizing what your problem is, you will
then know that you are not "losing it." 3. Know that you are
going to feel different for a while and don't fight it. 4.
Remember that one of the few certainties in life is that there
will be change. 5. Open up your self to new ideas, projects or
friends. 6. Change your routine. Do something you don't
ordinarily do. Such as going to the movies in the afternoon or
by yourself. 7. Walk - the earlier in the morning the better.
Walking releases the "good endorphins" that help with
depression. 8. Don't have an empty calendar. Plan what you are
going to do the day before and stick to that plan. It can be
cleaning out drawers or going to see a friend or relative but
stick to your plan, even if you don't want to do anything. 9.
Reach out to help others. You will always find someone who needs
comforting or help. Lose yourself in the process. 10.Think of
change as you "evolving" into the person that you were meant to
be. Knowing that you are part of an ever- changing universe that
includes many wonderful surprises and challenges. 11.Learn to be
your own best friend. Sometimes, for whatever reason, changes
occur that are painful and you may feel isolated. Use this time
to test out your inner strength and do not rely on other
people's answers. 12. Celebrate yourself. Don't save that nice
outfit for some occasion that may happen tomorrow. Wear it
today! Use your best china and silver if the mood strikes you.
Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers or allow yourself to have a
day that belongs to you. Today, while lounging around and
watching the Bucs play, I decided to wear my diamond necklace.
My husband gave it to me and I love wearing it! 13. Remember if
you are still clinging to the past, you are not allowing new and
exciting happenings to come your way. As the saying goes; one
door closes, another on opens! For me, personally, in addition
to the 12 steps above, I believe that God has a plan for my
life. Sometimes I really am confused and do not understand some
of the changes. However, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that
God is there for me and he is my greatest comforter. I cannot
always control what happens in my life but submitting myself to
God and the Universe is a never-ending process of newness and
refreshment. I was just thinking about change and couldn't
resist writing a poem: Browsing Through Time
Embrace the changes in your life And leave behind yesterday's
strife. Look to today for only today, Only then can you find
your way.
Tomorrow is only an unseen image at best That we cannot predict
or try to guess. Yesterday's reality is now but an imprint on
our mind. It is only in embracing today that serenity we will
find.
So remember as you browse through time, This day, this hour
brings delight sublime. Enjoy this day for it will never return
again to you, As you browse through time, you'll see this is
true.
............Francine Larson Here is something to think about:
The appearance of things change according To the emotions, and
thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty
are Really in ourselves.... ...Kahill Gibran
Please know that this article is only my opinion . If you have
a serious problem with depression, please see your doctor.
About the author:
Has an AA Degree From St Petersburg College. Taught Nursery
School, Children's Choir, Paraprofessional for First Grade
Co-Author of Character Keys to a Bright Future. Writes poetry,
short stories and articles.
Unlimited Minutes published by Taborri.Com
Personal: Married, four daughters
Her web site is: http://mysite.verizon.net/reso4qht (Three
Teacher Press)
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