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Another Valentines day is upon us and as we spread the love this
month, how about starting right at home with your self? I want
to talk about loving your self.
I am sure that you have encountered loads of people who both
professionally and personally tend to put the needs of others
before themselves. For many people it is an integral aspect of
their work whereas some people learn that way of being during
their younger years.
The variety of carers in our society learn how to minimise
taking notice of their own feelings in order to take care of
their clients and patients. People that tend to drive themselves
into fatigue, depression or even illness include individuals
such as hospital doctors working ridiculously long hours, high
ranking city executives responding to their bosses, mothers to
their young children, teachers within schools and colleges,
managers of large companies with lots of employees.
With these kinds of people, because of their beliefs about what
their role entails, they have a habit of putting the needs of
the company or the client first. There can then come a point
where these kind of people do not even notice their own
feelings. Where is the love? It is being expended everywhere
else. I would go as far as to say that this is potentially
dangerous.
This kind of attitude to oneself produces conscious and
unconscious attempts to take care of the self in short term ways
or ways that are detrimental to our own well-being, including
smoking or drinking alcohol or eating too much or the wrong
things. These things then replace the good, direct and long-term
ways of taking care of ourselves. People often try to give
themselves quick treats, but in a way that can erode your
self-esteem or your ability to attract love as you find that you
cannot go without it, and also these things do not create
natural good feelings most of the time. So then what happens
is that the teacher leaves the profession, the executive gets
burnt out early, the nurse goes sick with constant illness, the
doctor chooses to work in a private clinic with regular hours
and pleasant surroundings. All of these may well be valid, but
if they are not the individual's choice and they are forced
decisions, it really does nothing for your sense of self.
Without a good sense of self, it is hard to attract love.
So we want to spread some love. Putting oneself first actually
means that we are then of course in a far better position to
look after others. If we are fit and well and happy, we have
plenty spare for others. We can give generously without minding.
Putting time and energy into loving your self is one of the most
wonderful investments that you can make. So, we want to start
getting you to notice you.
What do you like about you? What is there to love about you?
Is there someone in your life that you truly admire or think a
lot of? How about someone that you really love? What is it about
them that you like or love so much? Stop and have a think about
them for a moment. Really think about the reason you like them
so much.
I am sure that some of you may have responded with that old
chestnut "I just do." Now whether you are consciously aware of
it or not, there are more reasons than that. I am positive that
you could come up with lists and lists of amazing qualities that
you find likeable in others. Liking someone involves identifying
and enjoying certain qualities that you appreciate and think
highly of.
This is why we end up liking people that we are unlikely to
actually meet but are in the public eye. You can of course
respect someone without liking them; liking them is to enjoy
them. This is very similar to the process of liking and loving
oneself. Liking and loving comes from having a true sense of
self-acceptance; we do not have to be perfect model citizens.
Your liking for yourself will increase once you know more about
how you function and learning to accept yourself as you are,
even if you do have issues or foibles every now and then. Now
have a think about popular public figures. Very often one of the
things that continues to draw people to them is not their
accomplishments but the fact that they have frailties and
foibles. This is what so many of the popular glossy magazines
focus on, showing the regular lives and problems of the famous
and one of the reasons that people seem to be so drawn to
reality television programmes such as "Big Brother." It is as if
the message is "look, they are just like us." We see how human
other people really are. Therefore, it is as if this process
of being drawn to what makes us human and real shows us to be
fallible at times. If this works between us and other people,
surely it can also work inside of ourselves. Actually, it can be
a relief to allow ourselves to accept any limitations that we
may think we have and even become fond of them, even proud, as
long as they are not interfering too much with our lives.
Enjoying being your self this Valentines day:
That's right, as of this very Valentines day, you are starting
to enjoy being your self, this is where the love is. What are
the things that you do enjoy about the way you are? At the end
of the day, when taking stock of your day, you can also take
some time to ask your self what you most loved most about you
today.
Do include everything, even if it was a small, supposedly
non-important thing. Perhaps you wore a certain handkerchief
(you must have been bought one that is in a drawer somewhere
that your great auntie bought you several Christmas's ago!)
because it matched a new shirt. Perhaps it was something that
you did, an enjoyable or beneficial interaction you had, or
perhaps it was even something that you chose not to do or
something that you thought. There are so many things to love
about the way you have been today.
To really get your love for your self flowing this Valentines
day, go ahead and make an official list on a piece of paper that
has the heading 'I love myself because...' Then make another
list that begins 'I love ... about myself.' Of course, you then
have to add to those lists. Make a long loving list of things
that can show you all the wonderful things you love about your
self. So think of the people you like and love the most, and
the people who like and love you the most. If they like you or
love you, dare to trust that you are actually well worth liking
and well worth loving and of course you are worth giving some
love to, and then dare to like and love your self as they do. Go
on, I dare you! By the way, you do not have to only allow that
love on your self on Valentines day, do it all the time and
notice what an amazingly loving Valentines day you have next
year.
About the author:
Adam Eason is a UK based, renowned consultant, speaker and
best-selling author. Please visit his website for a vast range
of resources from the fields of hypnosis, NLP, personal
development and human potential and to receive your amazing,
free, instantly downloadable hypnosis session for ultimate
relaxation: http://www.adam-eason.com Thank you.
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